Some options to stop your plumbing from crapping out on you

Toilet leak detection

Pay attention to your toilet. It might be trying to tell you something. If it hisses like a cobra with a lisp for longer than the usual 30 seconds it takes to refill the tank, it may have a leak. Check by dropping an cheap dye tablet into the tank. If water in the bowl turns blue then your toilet is wasting valuable water.

Before you contact the plumber, utilize the best information dump of all time — the internet — to watch toilet repair videos. Make sure the water valve is off and the toilet is flushed. Open the tank (don’t worry, the water is clean) and check the chain, flapper, and fill valve. Replacing these parts is relatively easy and cheap, and you should see a reduction on your next water bill.

Don’t flush money (or anything else) down the toilet

Straight talk: Toilets are designed for human waste and toilet paper only. That’s it. Flush any thoughts about “flushable wipes” out of your brain. They’re notorious for causing stoppages in pipes that accrue fat and hair and will eventually become “fatbergs.” This isn’t just a issue for your plumbing — fatbergs will also constipate the plumbing infrastructure of a whole city.

If you want to prevent plumbing bills and higher taxes like you prevent an unmaintained public bathroom, do not flush wipes, feminine hygiene products, hair, cotton balls, dried cat poop, nail clippings or your dead goldfish Cheez Whiz down the toilet.

The kitchen sink

You might think you’ll never see those watermelon rinds again after they get washed down the tubes, but really they are binding together with bacon fat, coffee grounds and carrot scraps to make you pay for what you’ve done. Accumulations of oil and food debris will clog up drains and cause damage to your pipes.